Hello Kitya,
I recently made a journal and wrote one entry in it- I am going to try this whole journaling thing again but instead on digital. Your name is Kitya, you are not a real person, but just someone I can vent to. An ear. A friend. I guess I could find that somewhere else (like in reality) but I've been brought up to never show my feelings or burden people with them.
So here I am, 32 years old and anxious. I think the older you get the more stressed you get. In turn I think this is why kids never want to grow up. I still don't want to grow up but I am FEELING IT. This tug of life- of years experienced- of my body changing/aging. My mind is not as sharp as it once was, I can already tell. Lately, I've been very unfocused. Today it is excruciatingly difficult to focus.
A summary:
I've been working on my fitness for a while now. I've learned to do it 5 days a week with ease- its in my schedule, it's important to me. I have recently been in a calorie deficit- this means I've been eating less calories that I burn. The reason: to lose some body fat. The problem: I've been in this deficit for several weeks. I hired a coach 4 months ago so he should know what he is doing. Weekly I check in with him- and usually he adjusts my macros etc. The past several weeks he has not. Now granted, I also was sick for a week or two, so that might be why nothing has changed. But if I am getting sick and am obviously telling him hey- I cant sleep right now, I'm stressed out, and I'm irritable- something should change should it not?!
My work has been work from home 100% to work from home 75% to now work from home 25% - all in a span of a year and a half. I know you are meant to roll with the punches but its hard to keep up. My work has been stressful- I've been given multiple accounts to manage that I had to learn and clean up. My workload basically was too much, overwhelming. So my work took some accounts away recently- but then also gave me some other new accounts. So I am confused as to if anything has actually changed. Now I have to learn a whole new set of accounts. Its frustrating because jsut as you get comfortable they change things on you. I had pressure to try to become a mentor too- could you imagine THAT?! hell no I couldnt. STOP. STRESSING. ME. OUT. My job has great benefits- and the coworkers on my team are friendly. Thats the only reason im there at this point. I am starting to recently however note that the stress is not worth it. Or is this anxiety- I'm not sure anymore. Do I need anxiety medication? Probably. But I also dont think medication should just be slapped onto someone like a band aid- what if I could naturally fix this?
Anyway, thats whats been going on recently.
I was going somewhere with that, but now I'm tired, so I'll write more another day.
Thank you for listening.
-Kaylyn
